Lately, I've been feeling a little bad and quite worried about health and stuff. No wonder, seems like everyone around is getting sick one way or another, making it hard to be OK. I am too 'aware' of the fragility of people, one moment you have a sunburn, some time later you are discovered to have a skin cancer. I just can't feel good around the people I like as I get easily surrounded by the thoughts of what much would take to lose them. But at the same time, I would hate the thought of missing the last moments with someone because I was too occupied distracted by some- thing else.
I think my 'problem' and of a lot of people is to care too much about this, have feelings towards people and things that you know can vanish if the universe feels like it. Wouldn't life be so nicer if you just didn't care about it? Just accepting your choices don't matter in the grand scheme of things, because when the last person who ever knew who you were is gone, there is no more left of you, or that even the work of great minds or our entire civilisation will be nothing more than space-dust.
Maybe it's because of this that life is so complicated and hard to understand? Not because it necessarily needs to be, but because people find it easier having all this stuff to care about than life itself? It certainly hurts less if you make your whole life about what's easy to maintain and replaceable. People want to find a way to be away from the problems of life, but the problems of life are themselves a way for people to be away from the thoughts of their own and other's mortality.
08/Sep/18